Weblog
Thursday, 09 April 2009
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Currently
Coffee Shop
By Landon Pigg
see relatedLong time
So the whole boy thing is completly done. After weeks of confusion and long talks, fights, etc. I dunno really know what happened...he said he was gonna try to hang out more and stuff cuz he did like me n such. One night I was invited to go to the bar he works at and I sent him a text saying I was coming up with friends thurs...he said he would rather see me outside of work...i told him i was going up with friends and implied i wasnt really there to see him. Well apparently that made him VERY mad cuz he told me not to talk to him and to fuckin lose his number. After all the bullshit I was just like ...okay. Only bad part now its weird to go out there and have to see him, plus we kinda talk to the same ppl. Weird oh well.
On a more exciting note there is this other boy...he is super cute. I knew him in HS but we never really hung out then. He is kinda shy and I guess I am too in a way. But he is so nice and polite. Unlike the first boy. Problem is I dont think its likely that we will ever date, cuz were both kinda shy...he is more shy in general...im more shy about intiating things. Plus he is friends with this guy i used to date in HS...and recently i stayed the night at this boys place and i think there is confusion about whether we are dating or like eachother...BUT WE DONT...i just had one too many vodka lemonades and couldnt drive home....oh well...meanwhile im trying to become better friends with him...and hide the fact that i have a super huge crush on him!!!!
ttfn
Sunday, 01 February 2009
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Currently
La Bamba
By Original Soundtrack
see relatedSigh...the turning point...
So last night my friend came out to my town to hang out with me, after many changes in the plans we ended up staying in the town which i live. I texted the boy saying that we might end up at his bar later since there are not many places to go and i dont know if your working but just thought id mention that. I wrote him that since we are kinda in that weird in between stage or whatever...i just didnt want him to think i was coming there to see him... He responded that he was not working and out with the guys...i was kinda glad and didnt respond. Now we can go there without thinking about it too much. After all we went there before he came into the picture.
We attempted another bar first but cuz of the stupid UFC fight it was too crowded and there was no were to sit. So we left and went to the bar which he works, which was no big deal cuz he wasnt there. The bartender (who he claims to have dated) was working. She was nice and i have no reason to not like her obviously so things were fine. my friend and i were talking and having a great time. Until he showed up. He was completely wasted and apparently was out with his boss, kinda a different story then out with the guys but whatever. So after like 20 min he came over and talked to us. He told us he had been drinking and was kinda drunk which is why his face was all red...and it was man i thought he had been on vacation in hawaii or something! anyway we talked about random things and at some point he decided i was making fun of him and said he was gonna go now...he walked away. I didnt think much of it, thought he was teasing and would come back. Nope. 30 min later after i finished my drink i was working on i was trying to decide if i wanted another cuz it was kinda awkward now. I decided fuck it, we came out to have fun and let him stay on the other side of the bar and not talk to us who cares. So i ordered another drink. Five min later we left, full drink on the bar, cuz he started flirting with the female bartender who he "dated" and trying to pick her up and stuff. Since they are not dating anymore i figured it was an attempt to make me jealous or mad. Whatever it was i was not about to sit there and watch it so we left with out saying good bye obviously. Mostly it just hurt my feelings and confused me...i didnt really do anything to him on purpose to have him ignore me so i dont get it...
I have decided im not gonna talk to him anymore, unless he makes contact first. Though i doubt he will and it makes me kinda sad...
I guess ill just have to get over it..
Wednesday, 28 January 2009
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Saturday
On Saturday I saw the boy. He get this actually texted me first! He wanted to know what i was up to that night! Lol so after many texts and stuff we decided to hang out!...I gave a little shit for being an ass and kinda acknowledge it, though didnt offically apoligize. He bought me some alcohol for my house lol, which was nice but also kinda weird i guess... We went back to my place as usual and watched movies. We didnt make out at all during the movie! I was really happy about that and proud that i can resist temptation! He did do cute things like kiss me on the check rub my back n stuff tho....then we went to sleep...we made out a little in bed...which was nice and i could tell he was trying to cuddle with me every now and again just to make me happy...lol. The next morning was okay. I got up after the fourth time he woke me up by moving or snuggling me. It so weird he will put his arm around me for like 10 min and change his mind...lol i guess i move a lot in my sleep too...my friend says we are like the same person lol but also very different. We do have a lot of those weird little things in common...like...
We both have clammy hands lol i know its gross
we both get really cranky when we dont eat
We both move a lot in our sleep
we both like attention, and when we sit down and are alone we smother ourselves in it ha
we are both extremly irish and have lots of freckles
Thats all i can think of for now... there was more but i forgot em ...ill keep adding to it...lol not that any of this really means anything its just kinda funny...
Lata!
Wednesday, 21 January 2009
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why cant i forget you?..its something beyond my understanding...
So I cant figure out why I cant get this stupid kid out of my head. Its like I have no self control. I went on two "dates" with him, which were okay...the second one was kinda icky. He has been mean to me. And usually when someone is rude or even less then kind I just move on. I had engouh will power to stop talking to my boyfriend of two years after we broke up, just stopped talking to him. Of course he was an ass too, but apparently I cant do the same with a person I really barely know and honestly seems kinda messed up. Maybe Im attracted to his messed up ness, cuz i honestly feel kinda messed up. But actually only cuz he is driving me crazy. Then i think well maybe i see something deeper in him, cuz he really does seem like he is a nice guy...but like he is going through something or whatever i dunno, and i should just wait it out that it will be worth it in the end. Then i think to myself "what am i twelve" this isnt a show on the WB...and i barely know him. My last thought is perhaps this isnt really about him, but rather something deeper and im either using him to distract myself or he is a small part of whats really going on. Like he represents all the stupid relationships i have had in the past year or something...maybe i just dont feel like letting another one go, event though its not really about him...he just happens to be there. Or maybe i was clinging to the hope of having him to distract me from my parents stupid, annoying, im-caught-in-the-middle-of divorce. Im starting to think it maybe a those things. Or maybe it is the comfort of hanging out with someone who's life is kinda out there at the moment too...a misery loves company kinda thing...maybe im not as settled as i thought and i have been trying to fool myself into beleiving that i am. With all the facts on the table about his life, about mine, and about us when we went out on our two dates, it seems evident that neither one of us should be with anyone right now...or at least not eachother...but for some unknown reason still hoping we can talk soon, or hang out. Since deleting his number hasn't worked im gonna need to figure out another way to be strong, b/c not only am i drving myself crazy, i think im makin a fool out of myself to... ha figures...im open to suggestions
Monday, 19 January 2009
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Currently
When The World Comes Down
By All-American Rejects
Gives You Hell
see relatedSo about a week ago on Saturday actually...It was late my friend and I just left a bar. It was snowing like crazy out. And in my tipsy state I texted the boy. Ha well it didnt go so well...im just gonna write the convo below.
Me: I totally just fell in the snow! lol
Boy: And I totally just woke up from a dumb text.
Me(trying to make light of the situation): Your sleeping?... lame!
Boy: I was sleeping, now im trying to go back to sleep.
Me: Wow....Okay
Boy: I have work tomorrow.
Me: Sorry to disturb you
Well i have had about a week to reflect on this. Of course my friends kinda think he is an ass...expecially the one who was over when it happened. I guess I can understand getting mad, but i would of just rolled over and went back to sleep. Then I started to think...this is a bad sign, he is verbally abusive.
So I didnt text him, till last night. I dont know why I just can't let it go...I have done it millions of times before, the whatever he is being an ass and I moved on to another guy or got busy doing something else. Anyway here are the texts from last night...
Me: Is it safe to text you? lol...
Boy: Yes.
Me: Haha..okay just checking. You working tomorrow in the day time? Thought maybe we chould have some friendly fun....i dont have work..havent't for days lol
(i know friendly fun sounds totally weird lol but we are kinda weird, and i wanted the phrase friends to be in there)
Boy: I have to work during the day tomorrow.
Me: Alright...Maybe another time then. I know something freaked you out but i would like to stay friends with you cuz your hilarious.
five min later....
Me: Sorry I didnt know how else to word that. I guess if your not cool with that just let me know...
(I just wanted to be honest...and i think i gave him an easy out here...)
Boy: I'm working. Everything is fine I've had a bad week.
Me: That sucks, sorry. Hope you have a better week.
Hm, so I dunno i guess everything is fine? lol....If he was having a bad week maybe that is why he got so cranky...i dont want to make excuses for him but i guess it happens...at any rate i really do want to be friends. But i doubt ill hear from him first. haha. Oh well just gonna give it some more time and maybe send him an invite next time my friends and i go drinking or something...though he will probbly be working...who knows...


