So I cant figure out why I cant get this stupid kid out of my head. Its like I have no self control. I went on two "dates" with him, which were okay...the second one was kinda icky. He has been mean to me. And usually when someone is rude or even less then kind I just move on. I had engouh will power to stop talking to my boyfriend of two years after we broke up, just stopped talking to him. Of course he was an ass too, but apparently I cant do the same with a person I really barely know and honestly seems kinda messed up. Maybe Im attracted to his messed up ness, cuz i honestly feel kinda messed up. But actually only cuz he is driving me crazy. Then i think well maybe i see something deeper in him, cuz he really does seem like he is a nice guy...but like he is going through something or whatever i dunno, and i should just wait it out that it will be worth it in the end. Then i think to myself "what am i twelve" this isnt a show on the WB...and i barely know him. My last thought is perhaps this isnt really about him, but rather something deeper and im either using him to distract myself or he is a small part of whats really going on. Like he represents all the stupid relationships i have had in the past year or something...maybe i just dont feel like letting another one go, event though its not really about him...he just happens to be there. Or maybe i was clinging to the hope of having him to distract me from my parents stupid, annoying, im-caught-in-the-middle-of divorce. Im starting to think it maybe a those things. Or maybe it is the comfort of hanging out with someone who's life is kinda out there at the moment too...a misery loves company kinda thing...maybe im not as settled as i thought and i have been trying to fool myself into beleiving that i am. With all the facts on the table about his life, about mine, and about us when we went out on our two dates, it seems evident that neither one of us should be with anyone right now...or at least not eachother...but for some unknown reason still hoping we can talk soon, or hang out. Since deleting his number hasn't worked im gonna need to figure out another way to be strong, b/c not only am i drving myself crazy, i think im makin a fool out of myself to... ha figures...im open to suggestions
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